The Missing Piece in the Money Conversation
When we talk about money, getting what you really want, and getting out of debt, we don’t talk enough about what it takes to get there.
We mostly focus on going for the dream, but it takes more than a dream.
Not just effort. Change. Often deep, uncomfortable change.
Most of the women I talk with already have a stable income. That’s not the issue. But when you’re spending it as fast as it comes—maybe faster—it doesn’t feel like enough. And when everything looks good on paper but still feels tense, there’s something underneath that has to be unearthed.
I know that feeling. I’ve lived it.
Just this week I saw a mobile desk in a reel and found myself scrolling on Amazon looking for one. I’ve lived my entire life without one. But there I was, fully convinced I needed it. That’s how fast it happens. That’s how sneaky spending can be when you’re tired, overloaded, or avoiding the pressure building in your own numbers.
And it’s how you end up spending instead of getting what you really want.
Living the Motto: Get What You Really Want
Tim and I have been blessed in this life, and I will never tell you different. But we’ve also done things that most people wouldn’t do. We’ve torn apart homes and put them back together—while living in them. If you know me, you know this is my least favorite way to live out my motto of “get what you really want.”
I don’t enjoy living without a kitchen or having sheetrock dust all over everything. I don’t care how well you cover it—it gets on you, in your clothes, on your skin, and it feels like you’re wearing it everywhere you go. There’s no escape. Remodel is living in it. That part is not the dream. But what happens when you’re finished? That part is worth it.
We’ve also built three homes from the ground up. That meant long days and many nights where we were bone tired and the only question left was: shower, or collapse into bed? (The shower always won.)
Tim worked full-time swing shifts, often with overtime, while we built. My role was general contractor—making sure we had what we needed, when we needed it, at the best prices possible and coordinating with contractors. I was doing that while working full time or caring for our two children. Then later we were homeschooling and working with the local homeschool organization to support families’ rights. Life has always been fast-paced and full of more than enough to do.
If you think we just hired contractors, you’re not seeing the full picture. Tim is an electrician. He’s done the electrical in all our homes. We’ve hung and finished sheetrock when we didn’t have the money to hire someone. We laid hardwood floors and tile, including showers, because it was work we enjoyed. We installed cabinets, doors, and trim. We did all the painting and stain.
We hired a crew to get the house under roof and in the dry, a plumber, and—oddly enough—we always hired out insulation. It’s cheaper. And I have never had complaints there. We’ve done it before, in flips. There’s nothing worse than the itch of insulation all over you.
I know some people enjoy cold plunging and cold showers, but not me. And that’s what it takes to get insulation off your skin.
In short—it’s miserable.
A Life Most Would Call the Dream
In the thick of all that work, we weren’t just checking boxes — we were getting what we really want, even if it didn’t look like it yet.
Building is a language for me.
I could talk about it for hours.
We’re discussing our fourth build now. I think I have the plan picked out.
We’ve done a lot in our life that people would call “the dream.”
The last home we built was a 5,500 square foot home on top of a mountain, surrounded in every direction. No matter where you looked, there was a wall of trees. It was quiet. Private. You couldn’t see another house. We had space to find a quiet spot for reading or working and space to host our whole extended family for the holidays.
There was a big kitchen with custom cabinets and an island long enough to set out every dish for the holidays. You could sit in front of the fireplace on cozy nights or the whole family could crash in the living room after dinner.
There was a walk-in shower big enough to dream and de-stress. A laundry room where I actually enjoyed doing laundry. A front porch with a white swing and a back deck built to entertain and enjoy nature.
It was what we had dreamed of for many years. We worked hard to get there.
It was what we built. With cash.
Our previous home had been paid off since 2010 and sold in 2016. The mountain home we built in 2017 was built with cash—blood (literally), sweat, tears, and a few stitches.
We had an emergency fund.
We were investing for retirement, but not as aggressively as we later wished we had.
We were debt free.
That was the goal, right?
But the older we get, the more realize we want more margin and less things to keep up with.
Priorities that Shape Decisions
In 2019, our daughter started college. We asked her: do you want a new car, or do we pay for undergrad?
She chose the 2005 Camry we purchase new when she was three.
As of January 2026, she still drives that Camry – with a Master’s degree in hand.
By 2021, both kids were in college.
We had decided we would pay for undergrad for both.
That was the main priority.
In 2022, both kids got accepted to schools in Knoxville, Tennessee, a little more than an hour from home. We did the math on rent and chose to buy a condo instead. That way, they could live together and not worry about strangers or leases. We bought the condo sight unseen, which I said I’d never do. But after weeks of looking, I saw the listing and said, “Tim, here it is.”
We couldn’t get there before the offers closed. So, we submitted an offer and got the contract.
And it’s been the perfect solution.
It’s theirs.
No landlord.
No rent.
And as parents, we know they’re safe. You can’t put a price on that.
When Comfort Becomes Pressure
What I didn’t expect was the anxiety that followed once the kids were both settled in Knoxville. I don’t talk about this much. But once the kids were in school and Tim was on swing shifts, I couldn’t sleep. I stayed up late.
I stopped going outside. I used to enjoy the swing on the porch or the deck out back.
I stopped.
I pulled all the shades.
I double-checked every lock.
Even the one from the garage, which we usually only lock at night.
We made a decision. A steady, clear, well-thought-out decision.
We sold the house.
What We Gained by Going Smaller
The new house is smaller.
When we walk in the back door, we walk straight into the dining room. It’s not a brand-new home, but it is a cozy home with history, and we’re fortunate to have met the family who grew up here. We know the story of the home and farm, and the work that went into creating the sanctuary that has brought us peace.
The pantry holds what we need. The counters stay clear. I know where everything is. I can cook without walking circles. And when family comes, we pull in chairs from the other room and make it work.
It’s close. It’s a little louder. It’s simpler. And we can breathe.
Because now, we’re really getting what we want — not just in space, but in peace. The living room is open to the kitchen.
There’s no wasted space, but there is peace.
The master bedroom and bathroom are definitely smaller and lacking the spacious feel of our former home. On my walk last week, I was sharing with my friend how I could stand at my bed to fold clothes, then turn around to put them away. It’s certainly cut down on time I spend doing housework!
But, when I walk in the door after being away, I’m home.
In the summer, Tim and I sit on the front porch often, having breakfast or lunch and waving to the neighbors driving by. In the evening, we sit on the back patio and enjoy watching the neighbor’s goats frolicking in the field.
That’s the kind of comfort I want now.
Did I mention that I can have everything clean in a quarter of the time I could in the larger home? That alone is a win for me!
This Is What Getting What You Really Want Looks Like
We still love beauty. We still enjoy making a home feel like ours. But we love peace more. And that peace didn’t come from size—it came from being willing to shift our comfort zone.
We now own two properties debt free. We’ve supported our kids through college. We’ve increased our retirement investing. And we’re planning to build again. This time, it will be smaller and built for what we need—not what looks impressive.
We’ve built in my 20s, 30s, and 40s. I turned 55. I want to build in my 50s too.
On the surface, someone might say, “She got what she wanted.”
And I won’t deny that.
But it came with work and sacrifice. We didn’t just accept what was handed to us or what had always been. We walked away when someone wanted us to be small. We walked away from guilt. From people who asked if we were “honoring the Lord” by wanting more.
We were. We are.
We’ve followed the Lord’s lead every step of the way. We wouldn’t be here otherwise.
Our kids wouldn’t have had the chances they’ve had.
Once we started talking about the future—really talking—our perspective shifted. We discussed what we wanted for our family. What we wanted our kids to learn. What we wanted them to believe was possible.
We wanted them to dream big. We didn’t want money to be what held them back. We wanted them to pursue careers they were passionate about, not just take a job to get a paycheck. We wanted them to step into adult life without a mountain of debt on their backs.
And that’s when we started truly getting what we really want.
Today I can truly say: Mission accomplished. Their dreams are bigger than we dreamed for them!
The New Dream: Peace, Margin, and Choice
Now, in this season, it’s about something else again.
It’s not about building bigger or providing for the kids.
It’s about choosing a life we enjoy.
It’s about peace. Margin. Independence.
Planning for a future we can sustain for as long as possible.
And even now, I don’t think the dreams are finished. Like I said earlier, driven women who are accustomed to achieving big goals keep moving the bar higher. I don’t see it stopping anytime soon.
When I teach managing money, it has never been about collecting things. In fact, the more intentional we’ve gotten, the less interest I’ve had in things. I care more about what money allows us to choose.
It’s about the power of choice.
The freedom to say no. The freedom to sit on the porch with sweet tea. The freedom to wave at the neighbors you may or may not have ever met and know—all is well.
It’s knowing that when you set out with a plan and determination, you’re getting what you really want.
And that clarity? That’s what gives every decision its power.
Not just more stuff, not just checking the boxes—but the life that fits, the peace that lasts, and the margin to breathe.
Still Feeling the Stress of Money?
If you’re earning well and still feel the stress of money, you are not failing.
Even women who bring home impressive paychecks can feel like they’re juggling too much, breathing too little, and just one dropped ball away from chaos. High income doesn’t automatically equal peace. Many women I work with have a solid paycheck but still feel like they’re gasping for air by the middle of the month because there’s no margin, no roadmap, and no clarity around where their money is really going.
👉 Read: You Are Not Failing – How High-Earning Women Can Break the Paycheck-to-Paycheck Cycle
If that sounds even a little like you—you’re not broken. You’re not behind. You’re navigating a complex financial life without the pause and direction most women never got taught. The issue isn’t your income—it’s the invisible pressure of no plan, no pause, and no practiced decision around your money.
This post will walk you through exactly how to reset that pressure and lead with peace.
Your Next Step
Want help getting what you really want—without the stress?
Start with the 15-Minute Money Reset.
It’s a simple, focused tool that helps you pause, reset, and take the lead on your next financial move.