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Family – Friends – Finances

They say never discuss politics and religion. I’ve met people who make that a rule in their lives, and for the most part, unless I know that we agree within most areas, I too keep that rule. I will steer a conversation in an opposite direction if someone has different beliefs or opinions than my family. Confrontation and arguments are not on my menu.

Family and Politics

Growing up in my family, I don’t recall politics discussed very often. When I was thirteen, my relationship with God became a very real and central part of my life. I live my faith and let others have their opinion one way or the other. 

Another thing that wasn’t discussed often in our home was finances. When we married, I didn’t know much about budgeting other than “Pay Your Bills.” I knew that if you didn’t work, then you weren’t going to be able to pay your bills or eat. We have made finances a subject discussed and practiced daily with our children.

How are children supposed to learn responsibility if this vital subject is not discussed or modeled in their life?

There have been many studies and books written about how finances affect marriage and family. One of the most important steps a couple can take before marriage is discussing and making sure that they agree on finances. Personally, I believe in open financial honesty before an engagement and accountability once you are engaged.

The Importance of Being Open with Finances

There are a lot of things that can occur and divide a family concerning finances. We have had our share! The first ten years of our marriage, we somewhat just coasted along. We were very responsible with our finances, and we were generous with others. 

A major shift happened when our oldest child came along. Suddenly life wasn’t just about the two of us. We began examining every aspect of our lives. For me, it was even how fast I drove to work and back. I was no longer just responsible for me! I know that may sound crazy, but I love driving back roads a little faster than I should.

We didn’t expect the shift in the attitude of those around us when we began to say no.  No, we don’t have the funds for this, no, we can’t take that trip, no we can’t sign for this…  Grown adults will stomp their feet, spit, and sputter, even refuse to speak to you. This has happened more than once through the years. Unfortunately, we have had a terrible time with spotting it until we were too involved. It would be best if you made your own goals, it’s not your family’s or your friend’s responsibility. 

4 Main Budget Priorities for Families

There are four main priorities in a budget for taking care of your family’s financial needs: food, clothing, shelter, and utilities. Next, you need to be taking care of any debt, saving (preparing for emergencies or retirement). That saving is where guilt and shaming can begin to happen. It has no boundaries! It can be family, friends, and even a shame to say well-meaning organizations.

I recently listened to a podcast where the caller described a situation where she and her husband had purchased a large aircraft; her husband is a pilot. The description of what was happening was that if they did not allow a niece to use this aircraft, then a parent would be mad and would never like or socialize with the woman again. Also, one parent was putting pressure on the son that it may cause his parents to divorce. My heart was so heavy for this woman. Because no one should ever have that type of control or influence in a marriage – never!

When you set goals, be it career goals, financial goals, parenting goals, health goals, or whatever goals you and your spouse decide on, those are goals between the two of you.  Your marriage is not a community, and your goals are not up for community votes.

Have you ever been involved with an organization where the leaders had a wish list longer than a six-year-old at Christmas? Let’s say this – RUN! There is nothing wrong with growth and outreach; it’s biblical! Having a building fund and outreach fund is essential. Having a wish list where the leader is asking for funds for the next item on the list at the next gathering after a considerable-sized accomplishment is not biblical. 

Yes, people want to give. Yes, people do have compassion for others who are less fortunate.  However, if you are giving out more to organizations than allowed in your budget, someone has a problem. That organization is not likely going to be supporting your children in college or funding your retirement. It is okay, and it is healthy for you to take care of your family. Establish your goals, set your boundaries, and stay the course. There are special occasions and sometimes unique needs, but everything on the wish list is not always necessary.

A Breaking Point

Sometimes your financial demise can be friends. Yes, they love you. Yes, they mean well. But, when you have goals and dreams for your family – sometimes you have to say no, I love you but no. 

No, to that restaurant where one meal is twice what you make an hour. No, to that entertainment on Saturday where one ticket will cost more than you make in three hours. No to that trip that you would love to take, but it would set your goals back two months. 

You can find ways to have fun without breaking the bank. You love your friends and family who want to spend time with you, and you can find affordable ways to enjoy each other’s company.

What can be found in finances and budgets is there are seasons. I know we sure have had them! We had years where we had two incomes, and thankfully we were frugal because we unexpectedly became a one-income family quickly. We’ve had a season where our income was up, and we’ve made decisions where our income dropped for a season. Through them all, we have made the tough decisions because we stayed true to our goals and true to each other.

Family is important. Friends are essential. Finances are yours and yours alone; they come with being single or being married. No one will take care of this crucial part of your life for you, and you will be the one who decides how you manage your future.

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