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Conversations to Reconnect

Have Meaningful Conversations with Your Spouse Again.

Do you ever feel like there is a stranger in your house, or you don’t know the person occupying the other side of your bed? Who is that person in your bathroom, sharing your closet or using your favorite coffee mug?

One of the areas in my coaching where I’m passionate about is Marriage and Money. I often talk to couples who have no idea about their finances. They have no long term goals and have forgotten how to dream together. They’re just trying to get to the next paycheck.

I’m not sure if you follow me on social media, but if you do, check out the weekly videos I am doing with Laura from Infinite Clarity. We are talking about Marriage and Money.

Ignore the goofy faces. I’m working on it! Numbers are my specialty, not video 😊

Our goal is to provide weekly information and resources to help couples open up and learn how to have conversations that matter.

Those resources can be found here: Marriage & Money Printables

Approaching Conversations

As a coach, I have talked to hundreds of couples over the last several years. I realize we all hear that finances are one of the top three reasons for divorce. However, I’ve come to believe that the communication breakdown between couples happens before the troubles with money.

After being married for several years, it can be hard to sometimes have difficult conversations. You’ve been busy building a career, providing for your family, and accomplishing your dreams.

Maybe You Have Children…

You’ve been running from one sport to another throughout the year. I often hear that one parent is at one field while the other is at another. You are trying to balance career, kids, household, education, and sports… and don’t forget – “what’s for dinner?”

Do you feel like dinner may be the main conversation you have throughout the week?

You’re tired, and the last thing you want to do is bring up a challenging conversation. Often one spouse is an avoider, and the other doesn’t want to muddy the water.

If we ignore it, it will eventually work out, right? But, most often, it doesn’t just work out, and the next thing you know, you have tens of thousands on a credit card and nothing to show for it but some Chick-fil-a, grocery, and gas receipts.

As your children age, there are conversations about college.

  • How are we going to pay for college?
  • They want to go out of state!
  • We didn’t prepare or save money for college.
  • You don’t want them to have student loans.
  • Maybe, you and your spouse still have a balance on your student loans.
  • Do we want to help them through college?

You may also be dealing with aging parents, navigating and caring for them. This can often leave you feeling isolated and frustrated. Especially if you are dealing with conflict and have disagreements with siblings on caring for your parents.

When you add all of the life into one bag, it can often feel like the space between you and your spouse is wider than the Mississippi River!

I would love to help you navigate back to a place where you can have meaningful conversations and build a life you enjoy together.

Setting a Positive Tone

The conversations can only start when both spouses are willing to try. It doesn’t have to start with an hour-long grueling session. Start slow, 10-15 minutes, to get updated on what you both are working towards personally.

Bob Oh - Unsplash
Photo by Bob Oh on Unsplash

Make sure that it’s at a time that will allow for a productive conversation. There are no other distractions. The kids are occupied or in bed. Neither one has to be somewhere soon, and no visitors are coming. Consider an activity that you both enjoy. That could be taking a walk or going out for a coffee at your favorite shop with your spouse to approach a conversation.

Getting outside and getting some movement can help “break the ice .” Just make sure it is a place where you are comfortable, and no one is in a hurry.

Maintaining Respect

Marriage is a beautiful bond that demands trust, respect, and honest communication. However, talking about money with your spouse can be a touchy subject. But avoiding conversations about money won’t solve anything; it will only worsen things. The good news is that there are effective ways to discuss finances with your partner while maintaining mutual respect and understanding.

Avoid accusing or blaming language, as this will only put your partner on the defensive side, making them less receptive to what you have to say. Instead, use “I” statements when expressing your thoughts and feelings about financial matters affecting the marriage. Secondly, learn to listen actively without interrupting or dismissing your partner’s perspective regarding the issue at hand.

Open Communication

Marriage and money can be two of the most difficult topics to discuss with your spouse. It’s easy to feel uncomfortable talking about finances, particularly if you have different attitudes toward money or if one partner is more financially stable. However, avoiding these conversations won’t make financial issues go away. It’s important to approach these discussions with an open mind and a willingness to compromise.

One key aspect of successful conversations about marriage and money is honesty about your financial situation. This means discussing debts, spending habits, and savings goals openly and without judgment. Ensure you also listen actively to your partner’s concerns without interrupting them or getting defensive.

Another strategy for managing difficult conversations around marriage and money is setting clear boundaries. It is important that you find a way to agree on monthly budgets or creating a plan for paying off debts together over time.

Dream Again

One of the main discussions that I have with clients is learning to dream again. In the beginning of your relationship, before you committed to marriage, you were dreaming about your future together. One of the biggest ways to move forward is to dream together again. That begins with starting conversations!

If you need help finding ways to start a conversation here is a good printable: Coversation Starter, it can give you ideas how to get started or you can visit my Instagram page to catch the video.

I would love for you to leave a comment on Instagram or send me a DM. Let me know what you think and what topics you would like for us to talk about next!

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